The last decade has seen an increase in professionally-guided disclosures of sexual betrayal. As such, partners experiencing infidelity, including infidelity in the context of sexual addiction, have more options available for seeking the truth of the betrayals committed against them.
The good news is that professionally-guided disclosures are on the increase and, in some cases, happening sooner after the initial discovery, potentially allowing both the betraying party and the betrayed partner to begin the recovery process sooner. And yet, 77% of a Partner Discovery/Disclosure Trauma Survey of betrayed partners indicate they are still waiting to participate in a professionally- guided disclosure. (You may participate in this survey at The Partner Discovery/Disclosure Trauma Survey).
Ironically, the restrictions of Covid may have contributed to current evolutions in the disclosure process. Despite the worldwide crisis and resulting barriers to in-person sessions with professionals to guide the preparation, facilitate disclosures, and manage the sometimes fragile aftermath, the need for professionally-guided disclosures did not diminish. And, where there is a need, there becomes a way.
What is the way? The rise of highly-trained professionals in helping you navigate this process – certified Recovery Disclosure Guides. A recovery disclosure guide may be a licensed professional therapist/counselor/psychologist or a recovery coach. Recovery disclosure guides have a strong background in working with those struggling with infidelity – or sex or porn addiction – or betrayal trauma; they usually have both.
Additionally, they have advanced training in the Restoring Truth Model of guiding disclosures, the first and only training dedicated exclusively to training professionals how to prepare and guide you through a sexual betrayal full disclosure process (see Welcome to Kintsugi Recovery Partners).
This approach is freeing for both you and the professional working with you. As a therapist, my more significant duty is to your emotional health. So, if a client from a traditional course of therapy asks me to help prepare him or her to write a disclosure of acting out history, I can focus our sessions on that unless s/he is not yet stabilized in the recovery process or s/he becomes too distressed and preoccupied to focus on that in session and I end up having to mitigate that distress (distress that is usually associated with relationship upheavals) instead of drilling down on writing the disclosure document.
If I am helping the partner to identify her needs and how to best get them met in the disclosure process, I am similarly hampered by her distress (distress that is usually from the crazy-making behaviors of the addict facing disclosure). Consequently, despite my best intentions, it may take a lengthy period of time to ready my client for the disclosure.
As a recovery disclosure guide, I can break free of the constraints of traditional therapy rules. I can separate therapy sessions from recovery disclosure guide sessions, where I act more like a coach, focusing solely on getting the disclosure done. As a recovery disclosure guide, I can speed up the turnaround of the document by having some 1:1 feedback sessions in combination with many that do not require actual meetings.
For many couples, the disclosure may be delayed months because of the incompatible schedules of two busy therapists. Using a recovery disclosure guide team, I may work with disclosure guide coaches who speed up the prep process. If risk is mitigated, the coaches may guide the actual disclosure as well, while I devote my time to any needed damage control or use the disclosure as a catalyst for the next phase of recovery.
This approach bridges a dilemma for many couples living in areas with few or inadequately trained therapists. Since disclosure preparation is not a therapeutic service, can be done virtually, and in some cases does not require a licensed therapist, you are not limited to working only with professionals in your geographic region. You can seek help from the disclosure guide of your choice.
To summarize, using highly trained recovery disclosure guides has multiple benefits. It speeds up the turnaround time to disclosure, resulting in decreased overall costs. Disclosure guides use the Restoring Truth Model disclosure process and materials: a his and hers coordinated preparation method that ensures all parties are working from the same blueprint, and using a recovery and betrayal trauma-informed, relationship- nourishing technique.
You can find a list of advanced trained and certified recovery disclosure guides at Welcome to Kintsugi Recovery Partners or at our Intensive Recovery Disclosure Guides. Also, check my books on Disclosure Workbooks.
Dr. Janice Caudill, PhD, CSAT-S, CCPS-S, CPTT-S, PRT, IAT, SEP, is the founder of Intensive Recovery Healing and Intensive Recovery Coaching.
